For me, this time of year is heavy...usually I’ve procrastinated for days allowing myself to take the pedal off the metal to enjoy the holiday season with my friends and family. But then suddenly, seemly out of nowhere, the new year is looming and I feel a weight of anticipation all around me, as if I’m shrouded in a daze, akin to a massive hangover. Thoughts emerge incessantly right about now, and I begin obsessively planning, plotting, projecting and devising for the year ahead, in addition to an uncontrollable urge to heap loose ends from the previous year on top of all this.
I believe this all has to do with how I can be “better” in the new year and “improve” upon what’s already transpired. I have a powerful call within to succeed. But truthfully, I have no idea what that means. Granted, I work quite hard, but this dedication is to get somewhere not to necessarily to enjoy the process. I know this about me because when I reach a goal, I never slow down to celebrate it, instead I ask myself “what now?” and start spinning out on reaching a new summit.
So for 2019, my only steadfast scheme is to start learning how to celebrate my everyday journey. I would like to find a way to appreciate “the grind.” To kick this off, I’ll be offline for 7 days and sequestering myself at a meditation retreat.
It’ll be my 5th retreat and I’m still scared of how much my mind will nag me with millions of thoughts; it will no doubt be overwhelming, but taking some time off the grid will clear my slate and allow for a fresh start. I love the quote, “One day you will look back and see that all along, you were blooming…” and I’m excitedly seeking a new path that will allow me to appreciate my “bloom” on a daily basis…
Happy end of the year, I hope you have New Year’s Eve plans that make your heart happy!