I’m not myself and it’s a relief.
As January has meandered along and it's now cusping on February, millions of thoughts have formed and floated away.
I’ve been okay with this. It’s not my normal M.O. Usually I’m grasping for feel-good things or opening the floodgates of my busy mind onto the world for some relief. If I like something, I immediately attempt to make it last...a sunset, festive times with a friend, hugs from my hubs, vacations, a box of cookies...I don’t let things be, I reach for, then hold on tight and amidst all the grasping/aversion hubbub, I miss most of what’s happening, foreshadowing the sadness of the end.
I’ve realized this path leads to excess and emotional strain for me and those in my proximity. I’m finally beginning to get some inkling that this doesn't work and being with what is, right for the moment, is a better way to go about living life. Wanting so much, in a very particular way, at a set time and place means I’m constantly fighting against the odds, which are: things will happen in their own time (or won’t), in a different place and it will not be in the way I planned or envisioned.
The energy I squander fighting City Hall is a colossal waste and not at all sustainable. I’m realizing some difficult, yet soothing truths and attempting to unlearn a lot...my new way to pass time is dappling with hearing thoughts and realizing that’s all they are - funny little sounds in my mind that require no action and don’t need to be said aloud. This is what I’m sitting with right now…
Have you all ever sat back, listened to the confetti swirling in your head and suddenly realized so much of it is nonsense? I’d love to hear what you’ve experienced! Here’s to growing together in 2019, I’m truly looking forward to the next 11 months...